What Happened When a Black Woman Took Over My Social Media & What Dr. Hollee Freeman Taught Me
Dr. Hollee Freeman and Michele Rhudy, CEO and president of Rhudy & Co. Strategic Communications met for chat at Nutty Buttery in Richmond, Va.
History may tell tales of 2020 as the year humanity broke. Yet, that would not be the full story. As painful as some of it has been – in fact, acutely painful for many – it has also been a year of healing. Some ideals and norms were long overdue to break.
Like most decent people living inside the system of white privilege, recent years have shown me the truth of racism, and it has broken my heart. I thought I knew at least a few things about systemic racism yet had to face the fact that I actually knew nothing at all. This awareness was shameful and painful and raw. I wanted to hide from it. And then, as God tends to do for me, He sent me a teacher, this time in Dr. Hollee Freeman.
Hollee, a fellow Richmonder, and I were randomly paired for a social media experiment called Mic Share RVA, imagined by Amanda Moore of Humans for Good. For this experiment, Black women posted on their white teammates’ social media accounts for a week to build awareness of their choosing to the white teammates’ audience. The ask of the Black teammate was disproportionately draining and hard, but my partner rose high to the occasion.
Left to right: Michele Rhudy with her daughter, Hannah, and Dr. Hollee Freeman with her daughter, Danielle, at the Elegba Folklore Society in Richmond, Va.
About Dr. Freeman
Hollee is an entrepreneur, educator, gardener, author, photographer, beekeeper and generally amazing human being. She and I had a deeply endearing time getting to know one another through honest talks, some of which we shared with the digital world and some we did not. When the week concluded, we were both tired, yet hopeful for change to occur in the Richmond community we both treasure.
What I learned
Hollee is a naturally gifted teacher. And now, having taken a couple of months to intentionally reflect on that experience, here is what I learned from her:
My Black friends came to my world. As naïve as that sounds, I never realized it. My amazing Black friends are my friends because they came into predominantly white communities. I realized I had made zero effort to make friends in predominantly Black communities, and as shameful as that is, the true shame is what I have missed as a result.
We need to be very intentional about our spaces, to invite new people into our worlds. Hollee and I took two field trips to places in Richmond I’d never been. One was the Nutty Buttery Café (a delightful Black-owned bakery), and the other was a section of downtown filled with Black-owned businesses. These field trips were warm, accepting and excitingly new. And yet, they were so very simple. Just as we travel for new experiences and perspectives, we can also find them in our hometowns.
Being an ally doesn’t mean we have to be ashamed. There’s a lot of pain and anger in the race and equity conversations of late and it’s justified. But I don’t believe white people (or any majority group) deserve to feel ashamed simply for the experiences or perspectives they lack. I own my white privilege, but am not ashamed of who I am, or the journey I’m on.
Self-care is a form of resistance. It’s not only okay, it’s necessary. Self-care prepares us to show up in the world better, stronger and braver. It gives us the chops to participate in a 2020 world. I have made 2020 a year of self-care and discovered that I’m a better version of me because of it.
Showing up with kind and loving acceptance is also a form of resistance. An open heart is healing. The world needs fighters and healers. There’s room for the angry protesters and those who believe in consensus building. Hollee affirmed my own experience that loving acceptance drives just as much change as anger and fighting.
Representation matters. Hollee taught me to look at every magazine rack I encounter and see how many Black women grace the covers. Spoiler alert: not nearly enough. So now, Hollee and I send each other photos of public magazine racks we have rearranged to showcase Black women. It’s a tiny act but give it a try. It feels mischievously powerful.
Of all the things my new friend Hollee taught me, the most important is this: You have to have a relationship to have a meaningful, authentic and honest conversation. Holding space for others and walking into that space when given the chance is where bridge building, community and love happens.
In this year that humanity broke, are you trying to be part of gluing it back together? It’s hard, uncomfortable work, but the rewards are bigger than you can possibly imagine. Even when you’re just getting started.
Learn more about Dr. Hollee Freeman here, or check out her So Good, Soul Good writing classes at The Innerwork Center. And by all means, buy her new children’s book Muddy Ballerinas.
Also, for perspective on capitalization of ‘Black’ vs. ‘white,’ here’s some food for thought.
Michele Rhudy is the CEO and president of Rhudy & Co., a strategic communications firm, she started in 2003. Lately, she’s looking for pockets of joy, happiness and personal growth during the pandemic.